Before I get a ton of hate mail from those who say addiction isn’t funny, I agree, it’s not. It does eventually become extremely important to be able look back on our past and learn how to not beat ourselves up over events we cannot change. Some of the funniest stories I’ve heard are in A.A. meetings. Obviously I’m sworn to secrecy, but it’s nice to know that it’s possible we can eventually laugh at those times that challenged us the most.  Nothing I have done that hurt others holds any kind of humor, that’s for sure, but there are plenty of things I have done to myself to supply more than enough amusement. Looking at these episodes of poor judgement and incomprehensible decision-making is, in my opinion, an excellent way to help strip the ego. The trick here is to look in the mirror and practice forgiveness rather than remorse. Doing the latter only fuels the need to be seen as a victim. Sharing these moments will not only help you find common ground with those willing to help, it will rid you of the “cringe” factor the memories may dredge up. Shame is one of the most draining and damaging of emotions. Getting beyond the need to express this concerning your past is one of the healthiest things you can do. Remember, self-actualized people are quick to laugh at themselves and are self-accepting.

If you are currently in a place where the pain is overwhelming, my prayers are with you. If real recovery is in your future please believe that what lies ahead isn’t ALL drama and business, there will be times of joy and discovery. A huge part of recovery is learning how to re-connect to feelings that have been forgotten, misplaced, misdirected, and abandoned. Management of expression is absolutely central to mental health.

I cannot use a fill-in-the-blank format for this entry, WordPress does not have this option. Please use a separate piece of paper and simply match the numbers. The choices I have provided for the blanks make things a bit more specific than your typical mad-lib. Trust me, it’ll come out much funnier this way. Try to fill out your form without scrolling all the way down. You may also highlight the top section, then print separately. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Confessions of an Addict-

1. verb, past tense ______________
2. object _______________
3. public event _______________
4. body part _______________
5. body part _______________
6. famous person _______________
7. sport _______________
8. a food _______________
9. a profession _______________
10. a possession, can be plural _______________
11. low number _______________
12. notorious man _______________
13. notorious woman _______________
14. number _______________
15. weird characters/people _______________
16. object, plural _______________
17. a phrase meant to insult _______________
18. adverbial phrase (how did you jump? i.e. …..like a madman, without hesitation, for no good reason, etc.) _______________
19. a dangerous action (i.e. – running into traffic, etc.) _______________
20. article of clothing _______________
21. something yucky _______________
22. verb, past tense _______________
23. object _______________

 

( ) = an optional word, choose one or the other.

1. I once got so drunk I ______1._______ (a) an _____2._______ during _____3.______.
2. I failed the roadside DUI test because I could not touch my ______4. ______ to my ______5.______.
3. When I get wasted my friends say I act like ______6.______ trying to play ______7.______.
4. I once came out of a blackout surrounded by empty ______8.______ boxes and dressed up like a ______9.______.
5. Once, I was so desperate for money I gathered (all) my ______10._______ and sold (it) them at a pawn shop for ______11.______ dollars.
6. My mug shot looked like ______12.______ had a kid with ______13.______ who obviously hadn’t bathed for ______14.______ weeks.
7. My nightmares used to include ______15.______ throwing ______16.______ at me while shouting ______17.______.
8. Someone once posted an online video that showed of me completely sloshed, running ______18.______ while ______19.______ just so I could win a bet.
9. I once went to work so hung over I was wearing my ______20.______ inside out and my breath smelled like______21.______ .
10. There was a time where I would have ______22.______(on) a ______23.______ if it meant I could be free of my demons.

So, have fun with this. It should serve as a reminder to some (and a promise to others) that living on the other side of addiction is ALWAYS going to be better than dying inside it.

I look forward to hearing some of your responses to this. Feel free to post what you came up with and let others share in your laughter!

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With Love and Compassion, Daniel Andrew Lockwood