confused guy

OK ladies, let me guess what comes to mind first; beer and sex? Well, yes for the male of the human species, but not the real men. Some boys never become men just as some girls never become women, but it’s my guess the odds of transformation heavily favor females. I was in my thirties before I could look in the mirror and say out loud to my reflection that I was indeed a man. In my opinion the foundation for guys, is in a word, strength. We want to be tough and here’s the problem with this philosophy. We tend to equate toughness purely on a physical level. When this happens we cling to those times in our lives where we were were the strongest. For many it lies in our youth and we spend a great deal of energy either focused on or trying to recapture the past. For many more this remains a chase throughout our lifetimes. We become convinced that if we cannot physically prove ourselves we will lose our identity.  There’s an easy fix and the MEN know what it is. All we must do is re-define what strength really is. Real strength lies in the willingness to do those things that are hard to do. No need to go into it here, there’s an early entry on this blog that addresses this subject.

Being Tough

Click on the link above.

Feel free to share this with those guys in life that seek answers. So many are.

So, let’s get into some “secrets” about men that women don’t usually know. Think you understand what look turns a man on? I doubt it. Here is a little quiz to test your knowledge.

OBSERVATION #1 What do we find truly sexy?

Take any woman, doesn’t matter who she is as long as the man in question feels she is fairly attractive. Let’s dress her up several ways and see what look the man finds most alluring.

  • Bikini
  • Jeans and a tee-shirt
  • Lingerie
  • Sundress
  • Hooker
  • Naked
  • Business suit
  • Evening gown

So, what do you think number one is? Actually it’s a tie and I’ve never heard an answer past the third choice. In first place….sundress/business suit. Jeans and a tee-shirt is third. I prefer the sundress but the business suit is my second choice. Notice that the other choices, hooker, lingerie, bikini, naked, and even the evening gown are designed to grab our attention. Believe it or not I think we prefer femininity mixed with a hint of wonder and discovery. Show your man this article and see if I’m not right on the money. If you want to mix the sundress with the business suit think “librarian.”

OBSERVATION #2 Men LOVE to shop.

It’s true, we love to shop; we just don’t usually want to spend time or money in the same places women do. Pawn shops, garage sales, flea markets, anyplace that has tools, and outdoor accessories/sporting goods are typical examples of what triggers our desire to spend. Want to get us to go with you? Promise that some of your stops will include places like this. Yes, we are probably going to sit on the bench in the middle of the mall while you look for makeup and shoes if that’s the only thing on the agenda. Mix it up and we will gladly share in your interests. There’s nothing like the “toy store” to get anybody excited. Girls play dress up, princesses and dolls; women love to shop for clothing and accessories. Boys love to construct, Legos, and Erector sets; men love to build and fix. The urge to connect to the creative side never goes away, it simply becomes practical. So, women, if you play your cards right and take us to the right toy stores, we may in turn produce something useful from it. I am aware these are stereotypical examples. Some guys prefer a canvas and paintbrush, and some women prefer flowers and gardening. In any event it should be easy to decipher an individual’s taste and need for expression. A richer life of creativity usually begins with where you both go when you leave the house and what you come back with. Sharing in those activities will result in a productive and fun relationship.

OBSERVATION #3 What happens to a bunch of men when an attractive female enters the room?

You know why women think men are idiots? Well, it’s because basically we are, especially when we’re young and in a group. In my youth I too was occasionally a part of the behavior that illustrates what I’m about to point out. So, what does happen to guys when a beautiful woman walks in? Do we wonder what she looks like naked? Do we fantasize about what might happen on our first encounter? Do we wonder if she might find us attractive? Hardly. What happens is we all start competing to see who’s the biggest moron. We start trying to impress each other. It’s that stupid alpha male, chest beating, peacock strutting crap; and alcohol magnifies this effect about ten fold. As a matter of fact, if you get enough men together we’ll just stop talking and start grunting and pointing. Morons. Here’s the kicker; the one guy that really does want to meet the woman will go up to her, introduce himself, then they’ll both leave and no one will notice. We really are idiots around women. The good news for women lies in knowing just who’s avoiding this urge to lower their I.Q. In doing so you will automatically weed out all the losers.

OBSERVATION #4 The way to a man’s heart is through the funny bone.

I remember somewhere around middle school the topic of maturity cropped up concerning the speed at which girls progress compared to boys. I was offended at the time but the observation was spot on. There is a way to look at this with more awareness and it has to do with semantics. Try this one out and see if you agree. Girls take life seriously faster than boys do. It’s a subtle change, almost negligible, but is does refine the definition of what both sexes instinctively understand. It’s true, we do seem to take life less seriously, but therein lies one of our greatest assets, humor. We love to laugh and to make people laugh, and I’ve never met a woman who doesn’t want a guy who’s willing to oblige. There’s no doubt we take it too far sometimes, I know I do. At the beginning of this article I said men only wanted beer and sex. I left out laughter. We crave humor, both as spectator and performer. I’m well aware that women have this same need too but I feel ours is more pronounced; and juvenile. I’m sure the ladies will agree with the juvenile part. Keep us in a humorous mood and we will follow you anywhere.

That’s all I have for the moment. Perhaps when another twenty years goes by I’ll have a little more insight. For now this will have to do.

Don’t forget to check out my last entry “What do Women Want? There’s some humor in there as well.

What do Women Want?

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With Love and Compassion, Daniel Andrew Lockwood


  1. Alrighty, first, I wanted to say that I thoroughly enjoyed reading about the male perspective!! Being a female, I always find it interesting to see honesty and authenticity from the complementary perspective!! Yay for expanding my awareness!!!

    That being said, I wanted to add a few brief things as brought about by your post:
    Observation 1: I asked my husband the question that you asked other men, and…. he picked the sundress!!! Hahaha!!! He did, however, say that a bikini was his 2nd choice. He’s in his 20’s still, so perhaps that’s to be expected. 🙂
    Observation 2: My husband enjoys shopping at the car auction, and I enjoy shopping at Hobby Lobby (if you don’t have those in your area, just google it really quickly). So….. at the car auction, I’m trying to support him, though I’m sitting down half the time as he runs around mesing with all the cars. And…. at Hobby Lobby? The roles are reversed, haha! He buys himself a drink and a treat as soon as we walk in the store, and he just happily munches his treats while following me with the buggy as I throw decor in at rapid speed. It works for us. 🙂
    Observation 3: I am SOOOOOO glad that you said the guys are just trying to impress EACH OTHER!!! That’s been my thought all along, but being on the “outside” of that dynamic, I wasn’t ever sure! Again, bringing it back to the hubs, he’s said that he never could understand why guys did that, and that he “picked up” more women by just approaching them and saying Hi than any of his guy friends who chose the other option. Your paragraph played that scenario out to a tee!!!
    Observation 4: I also agree that while both men and women value humor intensely (as humor is one of the best medicines and means of “in the moment” happiness), that men tend to need it more than women. I think that ACTUALLY may be because, while women are serious/mature quicker in life, men are flooded with societal responsible to be the holder of all stress/hardship, etc. As you said earlier, men are the “strong” ones… the protectors…. and society expects them to act like Atlas, bearing the world on their shoulders. Because of this humongous expectation, They easily could require humongous respite to counterbalance!!! Is this why my husband acts like a straight up fool in public???? Playing jokes on EVERYBODY!!!! Touching EVERYTHING!!!! It’s like letting a toddler run wild, haha!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Funny you brought up “Atlas”……I was looking for that image to paste on this very entry.

      Here’s a story for your husband……

      My father did auto body and mechanical work back in the eighties with a friend who had no ethics. They partied a LOT and Dad used to date girls my age…..a couple I went to school with. At any rate when they would go to auto auctions to look for new vehicles to flip Kenny would pop his head under the hood of what he wanted and swap around two spark plug wires so when they brought it up for bidding and started it, it would sound like garbage. Criminals. Really.

      No one ever suspected them.

      I’m all about Hobby Lobby……..art supplies you know.

      As for the fourth observation…….I suppose ALL wives end up kicking their hubby under the public dinner table from time to time……………. I’ve never NOT deserved it, although it does hurt my ego.


      1. PERFECT that you brought up the story of your father and friend at the auction!!! John hasn’t done anything like that… yet…. though he’s ALREADY talked about the MANY ideas he has for doing the same thing – making the car look worse than it is to dissuade other bidders. I know there was a culprit at one of the local auction that went around and locked the keys in the cars that he wanted so that other people couldn’t even open the doors to see in or crank it or test drive it. However, that backfires when the auctions don’t have a spare key….. and when the newer vehicles have fancy anti-locking computer mechanisms built in. 🙂

        As for Hobby Lobby, I KNEW that if they had them nationwide that you would know of it!!!! Too fun!!!

        Liked by 1 person

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