Questions

72. WHAT DO MEN WANT?

confused guy

OK ladies, let me guess what comes to mind first; beer and sex? Well, yes for the male of the human species, but not the real men. Some boys never become men just as some girls never become women, but it’s my guess the odds of transformation heavily favor females. I was in my thirties before I could look in the mirror and say out loud to my reflection that I was indeed a man. In my opinion the foundation for guys, is in a word, strength. We want to be tough and here’s the problem with this philosophy. We tend to equate toughness purely on a physical level. When this happens we cling to those times in our lives where we were were the strongest. For many it lies in our youth and we spend a great deal of energy either focused on or trying to recapture the past. For many more this remains a chase throughout our lifetimes. We become convinced that if we cannot physically prove ourselves we will lose our identity.  There’s an easy fix and the MEN know what it is. All we must do is re-define what strength really is. Real strength lies in the willingness to do those things that are hard to do. No need to go into it here, there’s an early entry on this blog that addresses this subject.

Being Tough

Feel free to share this with those guys in life that seek answers. So many are.

So, let’s get into some “secrets” about men that women don’t usually know. Think you understand what look turns a man on? I doubt it. Here is a little quiz to test your knowledge.

OBSERVATION #1 What do we find truly sexy?

Take any woman, doesn’t matter who she is as long as the man in question feels she is fairly attractive. Let’s dress her up several ways and see what look the man finds most alluring.

  • Bikini
  • Jeans and a tee-shirt
  • Lingerie
  • Sundress
  • Hooker
  • Naked
  • Business suit
  • Evening gown

So, what do you think number one is? Actually it’s a tie and I’ve never heard an answer past the third choice. In first place….sundress/business suit. Jeans and a tee-shirt is third. I prefer the sundress but the business suit is my second choice. Notice that the other choices, hooker, lingerie, bikini, naked, and even the evening gown are designed to grab our attention. Believe it or not I think we prefer femininity mixed with a hint of wonder and discovery. Show your man this article and see if I’m not right on the money. If you want to mix the sundress with the business suit think “librarian.”

OBSERVATION #2 Men LOVE to shop.

It’s true, we love to shop; we just don’t usually want to spend time or money in the same places women do. Pawn shops, garage sales, flea markets, anyplace that has tools, and outdoor accessories/sporting goods are typical examples of what triggers our desire to spend. Want to get us to go with you? Promise that some of your stops will include places like this. Yes, we are probably going to sit on the bench in the middle of the mall while you look for makeup and shoes if that’s the only thing on the agenda. Mix it up and we will gladly share in your interests. There’s nothing like the “toy store” to get anybody excited. Girls play dress up, princesses and dolls; women love to shop for clothing and accessories. Boys love to construct, Legos, and Erector sets; men love to build and fix. The urge to connect to the creative side never goes away, it simply becomes practical. So, women, if you play your cards right and take us to the right toy stores, we may in turn produce something useful from it. I am aware these are stereotypical examples. Some guys prefer a canvas and paintbrush, and some women prefer flowers and gardening. In any event it should be easy to decipher an individual’s taste and need for expression. A richer life of creativity usually begins with where you both go when you leave the house and what you come back with. Sharing in those activities will result in a productive and fun relationship.

OBSERVATION #3 What happens to a bunch of men when an attractive female enters the room?

You know why women think men are idiots? Well, it’s because basically we are, especially when we’re young and in a group. In my youth I too was occasionally a part of the behavior that illustrates what I’m about to point out. So, what does happen to guys when a beautiful woman walks in? Do we wonder what she looks like naked? Do we fantasize about what might happen on our first encounter? Do we wonder if she might find us attractive? Hardly. What happens is we all start competing to see who’s the biggest moron. We start trying to impress each other. It’s that stupid alpha male, chest beating, peacock strutting crap; and alcohol magnifies this effect about ten fold. As a matter of fact, if you get enough men together we’ll just stop talking and start grunting and pointing. Morons. Here’s the kicker; the one guy that really does want to meet the woman will go up to her, introduce himself, then they’ll both leave and no one will notice. We really are idiots around women. The good news for women lies in knowing just who’s avoiding this urge to lower their I.Q. In doing so you will automatically weed out all the losers.

OBSERVATION #4 The way to a man’s heart is through the funny bone.

I remember somewhere around middle school the topic of maturity cropped up concerning the speed at which girls progress compared to boys. I was offended at the time but the observation was spot on. There is a way to look at this with more awareness and it has to do with semantics. Try this one out and see if you agree. Girls take life seriously faster than boys do. It’s a subtle change, almost negligible, but is does refine the definition of what both sexes instinctively understand. It’s true, we do seem to take life less seriously, but therein lies one of our greatest assets, humor. We love to laugh and to make people laugh, and I’ve never met a woman who doesn’t want a guy who’s willing to oblige. There’s no doubt we take it too far sometimes, I know I do. At the beginning of this article I said men only wanted beer and sex. I left out laughter. We crave humor, both as spectator and performer. I’m well aware that women have this same need too but I feel ours is more pronounced; and juvenile. I’m sure the ladies will agree with the juvenile part. Keep us in a humorous mood and we will follow you anywhere.

That’s all I have for the moment. Perhaps when another twenty years goes by I’ll have a little more insight. For now this will have to do.

Don’t forget to check out my last entry “What do Women Want? There’s some humor in there as well.

What do Women Want?

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With Love and Compassion, Daniel Andrew Lockwood

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63. FIRE AND WATER

fire and water

For a long time now my main mission in life has been to prove that it’s easy, fun, and magical. The few “guidelines” we need to follow that make this existence worth every moment is almost laughable. This doesn’t mean there won’t be times of frustration and grief. All of us have the occasional fire that needs extinguished. We encounter unexpected emergencies, situations, and setbacks that can be easily labeled as unwanted, annoying, and painful. Me too. Happens all the time. I wish it didn’t, but there is a part of the equation I always have control over, and that’s how I choose to react.

Water puts out fire. If you disagree with this, you can stop reading now, it won’t do any good to go further. When the fires of life rear up and block our progress, the watery equivalent is necessary to clear the path so we may resume our journey. I’m sure this makes sense. More fire will obviously increase and lengthen the conflict, yet this is the preferred method of dealing with problems as most encounter them. Don’t believe me? Let’s see if any of these illustrations sound familiar.

  • A man hears a friend has died. He decides to get drunk.
  • A person is suspected of stealing at the office. Angered, they go home and spend the night thinking of ways to get back at their accuser.
  • A supervisor at work is tired of never being listened to. As a result he has a meeting and demands even louder that his orders must be remembered and followed.
  • A group that opposes war goes on a march to voice opinions against the enemy.
  • A preacher spends his life pointing out what is wrong with the world and why people will suffer if they do not change.
  • A woman complains they are unloved and never going to find the right person
  • A person spends most of their time blaming. They wait for others  to realize their mistakes.

These are no doubt stereotypical situations, but the futility of their approach is obvious. All are cases of fighting fire with fire. Let’s turn around the same ideas and see how they look if symbolic water is used to confront these circumstances.

  • A man hears a friend has died. He goes home and starts writing about him. It becomes the eulogy to his funeral.
  • A person is accused of stealing at the office. Intrigued, they wonder if they can help find the real culprit.  They spend the night formulating a strategy to help in the investigation.
  • A supervisor at work is tired of never being listened to. He realizes that HE cannot listen while he is talking. He calls a meeting and asks of his employees what they want of him.
  • A group that supports peace goes on a march and voices opinions why their way of life is productive and desirable.
  • A preacher spends his life pointing out what is right and good in the world and why people will be happier if they align with these examples.
  • An unloved woman becomes full of praise and love for others so she will attract someone who is likewise.
  • A person spends most of their time taking responsibility. They realize they hold the power to change their life.

Why fight against what we don’t want when cheering for what we do want will have a more creative outcome? Remember, focusing on the eradication of what we wish to eliminate does nothing to build a vision of what will replace it. Those people who move forward with determination and resolve are also the ones who continue to ignore their critics. They know it’s a waste of time to defend against attitudes and situations that are beyond their control; here lies the need for the serenity prayer. Do not, however, misinterpret this action as opening up yourself to attack. The easiest way to define the best objective is to use action to attract what is desired, and reserve reaction to dissuade what threatens growth. It really comes down to not using anything negative as a tool of progress. Don’t fight for what you want, work for it.  Don’t label your situation as problematic, label it as opportunistic. Don’t dread the unknown, be excited by it. There are no mistakes, just learning experiences, and these examples aren’t clichéd, they are tried-and-true.

When I let the fires “out there” ignite my own, it’s usually fueled by an overabundance of impatience and selfishness. “My way and fast” usually leads to some sort of catastrophe. At the very least it’s rude and thoughtless. The first set of situations listed above are self-centered, while the second set is based in humility, and that’s really all it’s about. How may I serve? How can  I contribute to the dreams of others? Let me offer my assistance. Let me help. It’s kind of weird, but I have more interest and gain more satisfaction in helping others to achieve their dreams rather than work exclusively on my own. Imagine if everyone did this? What a paradise would come to existence. I am water. Show me the fires of destruction and I will rain upon them.

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With Love and Compassion, Daniel Andrew Lockwood

62. AN OPEN MIND

open mind2

Every time I’ve asked someone if they are open-minded they inevitably say “yes.” This response tells me this quality is a desirable one; nobody wants to admit being close-minded. I don’t; and yet I’m willing to admit that even with this obvious recognition of appeal, I still hesitate to change my point of view; in other words, I’m know probably going to defend what I believe. I feel this observation can be quite useful. When I’ve asked someone this before new, potentially conflicting information is offered, it gently persuades by lowering the defense system of the receiver. In essence it really does open the mind.

When taken one step further, I must ask if “I” am open-minded, even if the person talking to me has no intention of asking it. This requires practice and discipline. When done properly I do my best to let go all thoughts of rebuttal. To be honest if all I do is listen, I’m fine; not easy for a guy like me. I’m an intensely emotional, idea-oriented person. When others speak it triggers a response mode in me, a fault I freely admit needs a lot of work. Some label me as opinionated because of how I react, but that seems somewhat off definition. One of my root belief systems is “I always get everything I want; all I have to do is change my mind.” Yes, I’ll stand my ground and will attempt to justify what I think works best in the moment, and I’ll suggest alternative choices; but even though I do these things, I’m still always searching for a better method.

During one of our many discussions my friend, Joe, handed me the most challenging, or perhaps “disturbing” philosophy I had heard up to that point.

He had been trying to get me to understand and embrace what he was saying when he changed tactics. “Do you think you’re open-minded?”

As he expected, this diminished my attitude of stubbornness. “Uh……yea, I guess I am.” I hesitated while Joe kept staring at me. “Okay, what’s your definition of open-minded?”

He continued to look straight at me. “IF………if you really do want to become an open-minded person, the only  thing you MUST believe in is that you might be wrong about everything.”

I didn’t say anything as I felt the blood draining from my face.

On the surface the idea doesn’t really seem to inspire, does it? What if I’m wrong about everything? What if this entire blog is completely off-base? What if I have  to start over? What if my entire life has been a mistake? The good news is these type of questions don’t have to be asked. The apparent overwhelming implications need not be disabling. What needs to be in place is the willingness to simply ask similar ones without using the word “I” in a sentence, that’s all. What if someone else is right? What if someone else has a better blog? What if another person knows how to start over? What if another person has all the answers? This is the true power of humility. The exercise of removing the “I” from our lives is also the same willingness that embraces a higher power. I think this revelation has massive implications to those who seek a personal understanding  of God.

An “open” mind seamlessly connects us to others and creates empathy. When this thought process is projected it will eventually find itself embracing the universe without judgement. On the other hand, a “closed” mind will have the opposite effect. This thought process will isolate us, invite prejudice, and will conclude with an implosion of selfishness. I’m sure you don’t need me to point out examples, there are plenty in everyone’s life that support this line of reasoning.

I suppose the best way to live is with our arms, our eyes, our ears, and our minds wide open. Is not life about discovery? Who really wants every day to be the same? Why not explore the minds and lives of others? Why hoard old ideas and patterns? Why not clean out the rubbish that no longer serves to elevate us? Throw open the doors and windows of your mind and let the breeze of change refresh all that has become old and stale. It’s just more evidence that cleanliness is indeed next to Godliness.

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With Love and Compassion, Daniel Andrew Lockwood

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/discover-challenges/open-minded/

46. CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS?

 Clean-Up-Cleanliness-Is-Next-To-Godliness-1917

 Here’s the equation Cleanliness = Organization, Organization = Efficiency, Efficiency = Profit, Profit = Abundance, and Abundance = the presence of GOD. 

So basically “things that are  equal to one another are also equal to the same thing.” Cleanliness is equal to Godliness. Well, I’m off to do my laundry.

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With Love and Compassion, Daniel Andrew Lockwood

38. A PERFECT WORLD

earth12

Ask yourself this question…

“Would mistakes ever happen here if humans weren’t on the planet?” We are the only creatures that live, suffer, and die by our OWN judgments; our own egos. How many of us in history have laid on their death beds full of regret and remorse? How many of us have died with un-planted seeds that could have changed the world? How much potential has been ignored, given up on, and forgotten? Please choose to be what you can be, and do not leave this world with dreams unexpressed.

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With Love and Compassion, Daniel Andrew Lockwood

37. I CONFESS…..

dang it!!

I wish I was totally at peace all the time, but my ego seems to mess that up more than I’d like. You see, a few things still bother me, and I wish they didn’t. It’s okay though because there was a time when I found EVERYTHING annoying. I was one of those guys who could get pissed at winning the lottery. Really. So time to fess up and share (hopefully with a dash of humor) three of the situations in life that I still let get under my skin.

Let’s start with elevator etiquette. Why do people insist they shove their way ON before the occupants get off? More than once I’ve made a decision to stand about one inch from the door just to let strangers try to tackle me when it opens while I ask with a fake bewildered face “Can I get off first?” Yes it amuses me, (and has brought a LOT of laughter from those still inside waiting for their floor) but here’s the kicker….I find myself doing the opposite of what I want from the other side. Yes, I always apologize for being thoughtless, but I’m just as guilty as those who annoy me, which bothers me further. Ugh.

Next up, four-way stops. What? A complaint about drivers; what the? Anyway…It’s not the ones who roll through that get to me, it’s that no one seems to remember or care who got there first, so they sit and wait for the most aggressive one to take initiative. It also seems that at some point every day I pull up to at least one of these intersections and someone is just sitting in their vehicle, waving people through. They’ve been there for so long that their car is getting dirty from simple exposure. Really? Please just go. Years ago I actually met a motorist across from me who was doing this and I was shaking my head “No,” but they kept on waving. I finally turned off my truck, got out and waved THEM through. They left skid marks. Never figured that one out; and yes, I was sober. I’m not an aggressive driver, I swear. Almost everything is fine with me and it reflects in my record. Close to one million miles now and only two points on my license since I’ve had it as a teenager. I guess I just don’t like being confused. Not only that, I always make it through safely and respectfully so what’s the problem? Me, it’s me.

Finally, this is the situation I find REALLY aggravating. It’s a behavior pattern I’ve a hard time trying to break. I’m a plumber and I use a lot of tools that I scatter to different tasks, especially on large jobs so it’s quite often I misplace something. When I do, my first thought is  always, “Who stole my whatever it is that I misplaced.” To be honest I have had stuff stolen in the past twenty years…….twice. That’s it; yet my ego still goes on its rampage for a few seconds looking around the room for the culprit. My mind is quite aware that no one took anything, and still I persist in this Pavlovian response to my ineptitude. Can I have a “DUH” please? Most of the time I relax rather quickly, get out another tool, and wait for the situation to fix itself. It always does. Someday I’ll be rid of that particular bit of programming in my hard drive. The good news is that it happens less than it used to. Maybe it’s because I misplace my stuff less than I used to. Wait a second….do you think that’s how I’m subconsciously teaching myself to be less scatter brained? Couldn’t be; could it?

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With Love and Compassion, Daniel Andrew Lockwood

35. PLEASE STOP BY…..

open

Welcome!

I write a blog dedicated to the subject of ground-floor self-help topics. My introduction says a lot about where I come from and who I am. Further subjects address different areas of interest. I’m looking for new subscribers and will respond to all who care to leave a message.

With Love and Compassion, Daniel Andrew Lockwood

32. “The right …

“The right lived life does its greatest work in the final hour.”

I invite new followers and will respond to all comments.

With Love and Compassion, Daniel Andrew Lockwood

30. COME ON IN AND REST A WHILE……

Please make yourself at home and know that here there is understanding, acceptance, and kindness. I have nothing to sell but a lot to give and share. Check my topics and see if anything resonates. I welcome you to please follow my blog. Feel free to comment, feel free to share, I will acknowledge all.

With Love and Compassion, Daniel Andrew Lockwood

23. THE IMPORTANCE OF THE RIGHT QUESTION

questions

A few weeks ago I wrote an entry called “The Right Questions.” (here is the link)https://danielandrewlockwood.com/2013/05/25/the-right-questions/ This is a follow up or companion piece to that article. This approach to life is a passion of mine and I’ll most likely write about it again in the future.

When I first ventured towards new horizons a different perspective of both asking and answering questions became necessary, and  the volume was more than I’d anticipated. Some were clear and the answer obvious, and some were cryptic. The latter of the two was meant to free certain “mental” wheels that had been poorly maintained. For instance, I was asked “What must I do to begin building up a life of reliability?”  The solution revealed to me was to stop being late everywhere. There was no doubt as to the meaning of this directive and there was no uncertainty as to the outcome of its implementation. On the other hand I was often given nothing more than the answer with instructions to search for the question. One such example was “You limit yourself because you have a fear of success.” Quite often my goal was to come up with the question that fit the answer. Eventually I did, and the question was, “Why do I avoid responsibility?”  In any case, the quality of my life improved with the quality of the questions that were being asked, either directly or indirectly.

 One such question that drastically changed my life was, “If you knew you only had an hour to live and if you felt good and weren’t scared, What would you do?” It’s an old  point of discussion and I’ve heard it before, but I’d never meditated on it. Once I did, my outlook on life changed drastically. Basically I’ve Heard two answers from those who were sincere in coming up with a real reply. I’ve heard that prayer and silence would be a choice. This is a minority answer; maybe one on twenty say it. The majority say something that sounds like this, “I would use part of my time to thank those whose lives have made mine better, and spend the rest of it in the arms of the person I loved the most.” My personal response probably lies here. It’s an interesting question because no one says “I’ve only got an hour, maybe I should clean the house, or mow the lawn, or go to the bank, or even eat.” Nothing material is attached to where true value lies. Nothing. This is but one example of a high quality question.

Most seek nothing but answers when their true quest should be identifying the correct questions. My mentor used to say, “There are no right answers to the wrong questions.” If you say to the ether “Why me?” you will get lots of answers that do nothing to empower you. In return you’ll get plenty of information designed to reaffirm why you are in a place of undesirability. Logically, if the original inquiry is producing unwanted answers, then should not the opposite question produce what is sought? Try asking instead “Why NOT me?” If you want to lose weight the opposite of “Why am I fat?” is NOT “Why am I not thin?” This is the same question in disguise. It’s true opposite would be “How can I get thin?” Subtle; yes, but believe me the brain knows the difference and it will eventually churn out what is asked of it.

Subconsciously (and of course consciously) everyone has conversations in their minds designed to eliminate what is wanted and attract what is desired. The problem with attracting what is unwanted is truly in how we word our queries. Think about it. If you constantly ask yourself why are you passed by for promotion you will get answers that are, one- riddled with blame rather than accountability, and two- will serve only self-defeating behavior.

There are several ways to stop the habit of asking bad questions.

First- Stop saying “why?” and start saying “how?” It is a one word change that will get instant results. When “why” is the driving force of a question, you will generate excuses. When “how” is used instead, you will generate solutions. By the way, don’t revert to “how come?” That’s just another “why” in disguise.

Second- Stop asking yourself questions that are really better answered by a more qualified source i.e. “How do I stop drinking?” The use of the word “how” in this case will eventually force us beyond the limits of our own minds. When we embrace outside information (oftentimes masquerading as criticism) we open ourselves to unlimited choices, and isn’t that what we should have anyway?  Remember what Einstein said, “We can’t solve problems  by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” For me this means I have to stop re-arranging what’s in my own head while trying to convince myself it will eventually add up differently. He also said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. It really comes down to listening more than talking; something I still struggle with.

Third- Start shifting your approach to life from one of doubt to one of expectation. This will automatically re-write how thoughts word themselves. Don’t generate anxiety, uncertainty,  or worry  about your goals; expect them and they will manifest. Get off the “what if?” ride and jump onto the certitude express. Remember, planning for the worst and assuming it are vastly different. Contingency plans are fine but they must exist only in the background. Driving a vehicle without brakes and seatbelts will force you to a crawl; whereas utilizing the car’s safety features will allow maximum confidence in both driver and machine.

Make a list of good questions and repeat them a LOT to yourself. If they are indeed high quality they will generate even more high quality questions. My top three are-

How can I become a better man?

How can I serve?

And..

How can I live without regret?

With Love and Compassion, Daniel Andrew Lockwood