Don’t worry……..what men want will be the subject of my next entry.
I bet I know what you’re thinking; the men’s entry is going to be a LOT shorter than this one. We’ll see. In any event, what I’m going to share should be somewhat entertaining. I just turned fifty and there’s no doubt some of this knowledge would have been of use when I was much younger. I’m not trying to come off as some great guru that knows about the ultimate secrets keeping men and women from understanding each other better. Lord knows I need a lot more information before that tag could be used, but what I do know is for the most part fairly accurate and rather useful.
So, men, listen up. You think you know what a woman wants in a man; money, power, and looks, right? Wrong. Here’s where we stumble massively. We’re used to seeing “normal” looking guys with gorgeous ladies and think “What the heck? What is it that attracts these beauty queens to those whom we judge ordinary? Well, they know and practice those traits that are truly magnetic, either instinctively or consciously. Look to all the male sex symbols of Hollywood, the stratospheric examples of today and those that live on through pop culture and legend. Look for the common behaviors and it becomes easy to see why they are the men who have never, and will never fade away. Here are the five biggest patterns.
OBSERVATION # 1. What attracts a woman?
- There’s no cologne like confidence. This is the single most powerful source of attraction on the planet and I’m not just talking men and women, I mean men with everyone and women with everyone. Men, however screw it up the most and feel cockiness is a synonym for this elusive elixir. Far from it. Cockiness is the best repellent one can project. Here’s the difference in a nutshell. Confidence wants to prove itself through action, cockiness wants to convince others through dialogue. Women (and everyone else) are attracted to doers, not to those who brag.
- Nothing grabs attention like a powerful command of language. You think Sean Connery, Johnny Depp, Yul Brenner, Cary Grant, and George Clooney are at the top strictly because of their looks? Hardly. Yes, they’re handsome, but let’s face it, that’s what Hollywood is mostly full of anyway; beautiful people. What makes the standouts standout? Listen to them talk and you’ll hear a distinctive pattern of intelligence and ease. They do not stumble through vocal expression, they rejoice in it taking careful steps to speak with the proper speed, tonality, and emotion. Two of the best are Liam Neeson and Anthony Hopkins, perhaps not the most attractive of men, but ask any woman who has watched them and you might be surprised at what they think.
- Posture. I still see men my age walking like they are in middle school two years past puberty. Slouching, mouth hanging open, dragging their feet, and spitting every 18.4 feet. Yuck. Yup, these guys are not the stuff of female fantasy. Have some self-worth to how you move and people will project an image of someone who believes in himself. Walk with purpose but not with arrogance. Think “James Bond” and you’ll have it made.
- Kindness/Selflessness. This does not portray weakness and anyone who would argue otherwise is probably quite lonely and unhappy. Putting others first is truly rare and therefore extremely noticeable when it takes place. Those who work toward the interests of everyone else eventually command the most respect and admiration. This cannot be faked and those that try come across as shallow and dishonest. How can a woman not be attracted to a man who has her best interests at heart?
- Hygiene. It’s been said one cannot judge a book by its cover; I disagree with this. How we treat ourselves sends a powerful message to those we come in contact with; and cleanliness is the best first message we can offer to those we wish to attract. Whether you like it or not it’s difficult to sell to self-respect and reliability when it’s wrapped in neglect. Nothing fancy needed here. Clean fingernails, combed hair, brushed teeth, fresh clothing, etc. Keep in mind that hygiene extends to our environment as well. Being clean and somewhat organized can be quite seductive.
So, nothing above has to do with looks, money, or power. Looks, money, and power only become desirable when they are preceded by the proper attitudes and habits. They are the enhancements of structure; and those structures built with the greatest of care automatically attract quality upgrades.
OBSERVATION #2. The power of surprise.
For the men that don’t get this one, here is where the seed of anything romantic lies. All women love surprises, but not all surprises are appropriate. No unannounced parties where she hasn’t gotten ready to look her best are allowed. Driving to the jewelry store to pick up something already purchased when she thinks you are going to lunch is allowed. Surprises must be kind, soft, helpful, and loving in nature. Packages in the mail with her name on them, cleaning the house when she is away, a handwritten letter, flowers delivered to her work; these are the gestures that prove to the one you love that she is on your mind. Even when she might suspect the event, she still wants the surprise, and here’s why. When she says “You don’t need to get anything for my birthday” she is placing more value on your ability to understand and anticipate what she desires over her urge to simply request it. Here’s the kicker. When a man says “I don’t want to do anything for my birthday” the woman interprets is as “Ah! I must surprise him!” This is why we seem to have so many truly unwanted events, actions, and gifts. Don’t feel bad guys, they come from the heart.
OBSERVATION #3. The number one thing women want us to give them.
Ah, the age old question, what do women want from men? (This is different from the first observation; what do women want in a man, what do women want from a man?) It is jewelry, security, or sex? Perhaps it’s the ability to open jars, fix the car, or reach something on the top shelf? How superficial can you get? They want the same thing we want from someone we are going to spend the majority of our time with. Number one, at the top of the list in bold easy to read letters – they want us to be their best friend. And they should be. Anything less is undesirable for both sides. Think about this for a minute. Our best friends we grew up with (I’m most likely talking other guys here) we are probably still friends with, right? Yet did we not have disagreements and sometimes even knockdown drag-out fights with these same people? Of course, but in the end we remained friends. It’s a powerful force, one difficult to break or walk away from. Friendship, real friendship, is the purest form of love because in the end it’s unconditional. Bumps in the road do not keep us from moving forward. Casual acquaintances move on after a time, and that’s fine, but best friends see beyond hardship and disagreements. When we see elderly couples walking in the park, holding hands and smiling, isn’t there a sense that there’s something more than love between them? To me they almost seem like the same person. This is what women want.
There it is, I wish I knew more but for the moment it will do. Don’t worry, the men’s section is next. It promises to be a lot funnier and I’m sure it will surprise a lot of you.
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With Love and Compassion, Daniel Andrew Lockwood
Aw, come on…..
Surely there were SOME surprises you look back on fondly. How were you proposed to? How did you find out about your pregnancy? Perhaps a lunch date with your husband you were not expecting? I really do feel it depends on the TYPE of surprise, men need to be aware of how they are presented. Personally I am very conscious of what my wife asks for; I make notes and later will show up with what she already wanted. It takes a gentle hand and an open ear. I will admit I have stumbled here over the years, but if done right I think it shows I was paying attention to begin with. Like I said, not all surprises are appropriate.
Hahahaha!!!! My pathology runs super deep on this one. It was no accident or coincidence that I ended up with a man who has ABSOLUTELY NO poker face whatsoever, hahaha. This way, even if he is trying to surprise me in some way, I’m able to be psychic enough to feel/see it coming, and that dynamic works for us on a spectacular level.
I caught my husband buying my engagement ring from a coworker when I came home early, so when he planned a romantic getaway to the mountains a couple months later, I knew what was coming for me. That made me happy to know it was coming, because my need to feel prepared is a deep “distrust pathology” creeping up. Also, my deep need to feel others ASKED me and I gave PERMISSION (because too much was assumed on my behalf and pushed onto me) creeps up on me too. (Hey, at least I’m aware of it… though I haven’t ridden myself of it yet.)
My husband and I made a mutual decision to abandon any birth control techniques to “plan” the pregnancy, haha, so that one we saw coming, in a relative sense. Even then, it took me 6 weeks before I was able to digest that it was real, and I’m still freaked out about the many surprises coming my way from that decision, haha!!
I DO really appreciate lunch dates with the hubs…. you’ve got me there…. BUT if he doesn’t call me at least an hour in advance to say he’s coming, then I usually have another lunch plan developed, and he’s SOL.
I like how you mentioned your wife ASKING for something (even if her asking isn’t super explicit). To me, the asking is what no longer makes the event a surprise. If she asked, then that means that she has given permission. So when you create the surprise of what she asked for, then it feels less like a surprise, and more like a spontaneous permissive act, hahahaha. And I’m totally fine with spontaneity!!!!
Suffice it to say, I plan a lot….. however, I AM a “go with the wind” type of soul as well. If people talk to me and ASK, “hey, wanna do this… RIGHT NOW??” I’m all for it!!!! Because, ASKING for my INPUT makes it not a surprise. Therefore, it becomes fun. 🙂
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Coming from the female perspective, I have to say that I can find some agreement in just about everything you wrote, hahaha. If anything, you were a bit more forgiving than you had to be!
Within your 1st observation, I like that you mentioned confidence (or, essentially any person who carries with them a sense of peaceful empowerment about their true essence), and I ALSO like that you DISAGREED with “you can’t judge a book by its cover.” I ALSO disagree with that antiquated adage. People subconsciously judge regardless. Even using a person’s name is “judging” them as separate from you.
However, I have a little bit of “beef” with the word “selfless.” I believe it to be self-abandonment to “put others first,” so I’m not an advocate of that phrase. HOWEVER, what I agree with, that I believe people are trying to express (and yes, I’m a stickler for semantics), is that when you TRULY care for or love another human, YOUR happiness begins to intimately intertwine with THEIR happiness. So… going to her favorite restaurant instead of your own does not FEEL like sacrifice, but FEELS like joy – because you are receiving so much joy from her experience of joy. I love that, and agree with THAT, but I wouldn’t call that selfless. 🙂 Haha, ok, semantics over.
Last, I think it was “forgiving” of you to try and negate the influence of power and money from women’s perspective. However, as a woman myself, I’m cool with admitting that power and money ARE a factor for women (even if they deny it). This is because, as you alluded to, power and money are evolutionary triggers of health, verility, and security – all of which are deeply embedded within our female DNA as an indication of a “partner that we want.” Now, does this mean that broke, average men have no chance? Hell no. They have a chance too, because our evolutionary drives aren’t as life or death as once before. However, I did want to say that it’s ok to admit that money and power influence women, as much as youth and beauty influence men. It is what it is. Evolution is real. 🙂
Within your 2nd observation, just a PERSONAL note, and in no way representative of all women, I ABSOLUTELY 100% HATE SURPRISES. It’s my own pathology, I understand… but I truly hate surprises. So… I mean what I say….. and if I say, “don’t get me a birthday present,” and my Man gets me a present, the larger part of me will be pissed that he didn’t listen to or respect my wishes, and then I’ll feel guilty about receiving the gift and feel powerless and indebted to the gift and the Man. See? Pathology!!! Haha, but yes. I did want to point out that surprises are totally not for all women, and there ARE many women who “mean what they say,” and don’t leave men to guess or play games.
Your 3rd observation? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!! 100%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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